The amazing properties of photosynthesis

Matthew Larsen, Writer

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Have monks figured out the key to immortality? Up in the mountains, Himalayan monks have learned how to harness the power of the sun! Monks in mountains of the Himalayans have meditated for so long that they learned how to live on nothing but sunlight. The monks have copied the plants ability to use photosynthesis. To try it for yourself all you have to do is lay perfectly still in direct sunlight and make sure you don’t wear sun protection because you don’t want the sunscreen to block the sunlight from being absorbed into your skin. Consuming only the life sustaining rays of the sun is also extremely healthy because it contains no carbs or calories! If we all live off of a diet of just sunlight it will solve world hunger! Sunlight also has vast healing properties. Absorbing sunlight can heal any bacterial infection, eliminate viruses, and completely heal any wound up to a lost limb! Some people might be afraid of getting sunburned but, getting sunburnt is only the first step towards unlimited power. Getting sunburnt is just your skins way of acclimating to absorbing that much raw energy. Only once you get past the sunburn can you fully take in the sunlight and never need food again!

Some people might have a hard time getting started for some reason so, I have prepared a few tips toward Photosynthesizing. The first tip, become one with the plant, if you feel like a plant you will be able to absorb sunlight like a plant… think green. The second tip, try lying down next to a large fire, the heat will help kick start your absorption by allowing you to really connect with the rays of the sun. The third and final tip, because staying perfectly still might be hard for those that are just starting or have a slight twitch, to keep those people included I have concluded that if you inject yourself with a numbing agent it will significantly reduce movement or if you do not have the ability to get your hands on some numbing agent I would suggest that you amputate as many limbs as necessary to make sure you stay still because the less limbs you have the easier time you will have staying still. I am very confident in the powers of photosynthesis and although I have never tried it myself I am sure that you will have marvelous success as long as you follow my instructions and tips perfectly. I am not responsible for any injury you sustain while photosynthesizing.

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